Words I Can't Say
by Gugugaga
Summary: A story about the longest three hours of Darien's life as he tries to answer one simple question...or, not so simple...some words makes all the difference.


**Hey minna-chan! Here is a one-parter I've been working on for the past two weeks or so. I had lots of fun writing it, and I hope you'll have fun reading it! I know my writing is not…beautiful like some people's, but to be honest, I am quiet proud of it. So please, please, please review! I love hearing your comments. And I don't mind flames! Honestly!**

**Disclaimer: I donnot own Sailor Moon or any of it's characters. But I do own this story.**

**Oh! Before I forget...(hands Ivee a bucket)...there there.**

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**3:14 p.m.**

"Oh yeah? Well why would _you_ know anything about love, baka?" Usako crossed her arms infront of her chest, waiting for an answer. It only took those words to make me regret saying anything at all. Oh why did I have to open my big mouth?

"Well…because…_Odango Atama_…" I gulped. Maybe hearing that nickname would make her more furious, just as it had always have, and I wouldn't have to finish the sentence I started but didn't knew how to continue, because she'd already have stormed out of the arcade, if not dumping her unfinished milkshake on me first. And hopefully, we'd never speak about this again.

Who am I kidding! _Of course _I want to speak about this again! After all, _this _was the reason I said anything at all…

_Love. _The word made my heart pound so fast that I thought it was going to jump out of my chest any time now. I thought I could hear my own pulse quicken…

_I know what love is because…_

It had sounded so perfectly romantic and true in my head the night before, as I lay in my bed and decided this…I had promised myself that I would give up and never purposely bump into her again if I don't tell her today. I have always made that promise to myself before, but this time…this was the last chance I'll give myself, I had decided. The last chance I'll give myself, after this, it'll be all over. I thought this promise would help me get over my fear. But no such luck. Here I am, still the stammering idiot that I have been everyday for the past five months.

Usako didn't dump her milkshake on me…nor did she storm out. Instead, she just sat there in the same position, her curious (and angry) blue eyes demanding for an answer, her brows furrowing, her pink lips pursed together. Adorable.

I sighed, keep stalling for time, hoping that one more second would make a difference and I would have enough courage.

One second passed, and I didn't. Kami, why would I even start the sentence when I didn't even have an answer? _Baka!_

"Mamo-baka? Why do you say that I can't possibly be in love with Tuxedo Mask? Do you have an answer or not? Or are you simply too scared because you know that a cold-blooded jerk like yourself is incapable of knowing anything any human feelings?"

Ouch. I think that just killed the little confidence that I had.

_Say something. Say anything._

"Hai."

A look of surprise took over her face. An eyebrow was raised. Her mouth opened in shock, but quickly closed. It took my two brain cells that long to contemplate what I had just said. And even longer to figure out that I was better off not saying anything at all.

"Er, I mean, no! I mean…"

_I love you. I. Love. You. _

"It's none of your business, Odango." I said coolly and turned my back on her. Holding my coffee cup, I hoped she couldn't see my hand trembling and the cup shaking. It hurts everytime I turned her away, everytime I hid my feelings form her. Yet I wondered why I did it anyways, when I had the perfect chance to free myself from this.

But in the back of my mind, I knew perfectly why. It's because I was afraid of being rejected. The pain of knowing for sure that she hated me would be far more tormenting than this. At least now, I still had hope. There was still a chance that she never meant anything she said to me.

"Bakamono…no one asked for your opinion anyways." I heard her mutter. But I pretended that I didn't hear her.

I waited. There was a moment of silence. Then Usako's friend Ami broke it: " I hear there's a new bookstore opening…" It was then that Usako was her chirpy self again. "Do you think they got Sailor V manga too?" Just like that, everything returned to normal, like nothing happened.

Setting down my coffee cup, I got up and walked towards the automatic doors. Stepping out of the arcade, I turned around hoping to catch one more glimpse of my angel…only to see a pair of sapphire blues staring back at me through the glass wall.

I think she gave a small gasp before quickly looking away, leaving me walking towards the park, intoxicated by those beautiful jewels. But at the same time, my heart being held in a painful grip, debating with myself whether to keep the promise.

**5:03 p.m**

Hearing footsteps, I looked up from my book on the World War I that I was pretending to read. I had tried to concentrate on it, but…

Unexpectedly, the girl that had been occupying my thoughts instead stood before me. She was still in her junior-high uniform. I immediately sat up on the bench. "Hi." I said softly, closing my book.

She took a step forward, and said nothing. Time stood still for a few seconds.

"You shouldn't be here you know. This is the most secluded place in the park." I started, desperate to break the silence. _And God forbid if anything should happen to you…_

She shrugged, playing with the strap of her schoolbag she was holding on to. "I needed to do some thinking…" she replied shyly and looked up at me, "But you're here by yourself too. So I'm not alone, am I?" She continued. I tried to avoid looking into her eyes, all of a sudden I felt tense…a lump went up in my throat and I found myself wondering why she had said that…did she mean that I could protect her? Of course not! Me and my over-hopeful imagination—sure enough, when I finally had the courage to look at her, nothing I saw told me that's what she meant. "Yeah? I needed to do some thinking too." I said as casually as I could, with my hand going through my hair.

She nodded understandingly. Silence hung in the air once again, and I wondered whether I should tell her right there and then.

"_Do you want to know what I was thinking about Usako? I was thinking about you, how beautiful you are, how you bring joy to my life, how wonderful you make me feel…"_

"Have a seat." I gestured her towards the bench I was sitting on. And watched, as she slowly sat down. She looked at me with deepest, most beautiful eyes I have ever seen…perhaps this was why I always tried to avoid them, because they were too intoxicating, once you look into them, you can not be helped but to forget about everything else…

"I…uh…I'm sorry" She apologized timidly, a blush staining her cheeks. Thankfully before I lost myself there, she looked away. I caught myself blushing slightly as well.

"What do you mean?" I questioned innocently.

A look of surprise appeared across her features. "W-when I said that…you're incapable of having human feelings…so you wouldn't know anything about love." She paused, "I'm sorry. I didn't really mean it."

"Oh…that…" Flashing a kind smile, I assured her: "Don't worry about it!" _If you only knew…_

She shook her head and continued meekly: "No…That was really mean…" she paused and drew a quick breath, her eyes showing signs of nervousness. "The truth is, I'd like to think that you _are_ capable of loving…" and she let it hang there. Blushing furiously now, she looked at me…with an emotion I have never seen on her face before. I looked at her, dumbfounded. I felt a lump went up in my throat. There it was again, that feeling from earlier…I felt my pulse quicken, my heart raced. And for a minute…I felt hope.

_I AM capable of loving, Usako. I love YOU._

_I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you._

None of it came out though. I just sat there, with my mouth opened, but no words coming out of it despite how hard I tried. Disappointed, I mentally cursed myself. This would've been the perfect time to tell her… once again, my heartbeat raced, and suddenly, my mouth felt dry. I closed my eyes, bracing myself for the moment that I was finally going to tell her, and opened them again…Only to see that the bench was now empty. In confusion, I looked around, searching for the form of my favourite blonde. She had stood up, her hands clutching to a part of her uniform skirt. "Bye." She said wanly before turning around and walking away from me…

"Wait!" I stood up and managed to choke out. She spun around and looked at me expectantly.

Picking up my book, I jogged to her side. By my surprise, I had quickly gotten my voice back. "I'll walk with you. Like I said, this part of the park is too quiet."

She nodded slightly. Before an almost imperceptible smile crawled onto her pink lips.

We walked slowly in silence. The peaceful surroundings had made some of my nervousness go away. I looked to my left where Usako was, somewhere along the line, we had moved closer and closer to each other, with only a few inches of distant apart. I don't think she had noticed either, for she had been looking straight ahead. I inhaled the scent I detected coming from her and closed my eyes for a moment to savor it—sweet vanilla, it had always made me weak. Unconsciously, I let my left hand reach out a little…her lips let out a quick gasp as the tips of my fingers brushed against hers; it was then that I realized what I had done. I quickly pulled my hand away as some sort of an apology arose to my lips, partly ashamed of my lack of self-control for my emotions. She said nothing and kept walking, although I could tell her cheek was reddening.

We walked on until we came across the sight of some kids playing soccer. I gulped at the sight. This meant our walk was possibly coming to an end. It would be over soon, and I'll never have another shot at this. Oh why didn't I tell her when there was chance! I mentally smacked myself.

Trying to ignore the lump caught in my throat, I stopped on my tracks. This got her attention, as she turned and looked at me. My voice cracked, "Remember…when you said that…" Her eyes grew wide with anticipation. "uh…you'd like to think that I'm capable of loving?"

"Ye-yes?"

"Well…um…the thing is…I, uh…I…lo—"

A sudden screech coming from Usako interrupted me, the next thing I knew…_IT _was speeding towards me like a bullet. In fear, I stumbled backwards, attempting escape it…but too late, unconsciously I squeezed my eyes shut, realizing the impact was already made as I felt the surprisingly hard toy hitting my skull… then it bounced off my head and onto the grass…

"OMYGAWD are you okay!" I heard Usako screech in fear as I held my head in pain, groaning.

"Yeah…I'm fine Usako…" I assured weakly. But apparently I was not heard, because when I looked up…

She was standing there clenching her fists, as fiery coals lit up in her eyes, screaming across the field: "HEY KIDS! WHICH ONE OF YOU DID THAT, HUH! DON'T BE CHICKEN! JUST ADMIT IT!"

I watched, partly in horror and partly in surprise, as a group of little kids on the other side exchanged fearful glances. A short and chubby boy nudged the boy beside him, who had tried to keep a straight face on but apparently failed miserably. When he got no reaction from the other boy, the chubby one nudged again, then immediately pushed the boy forward altogether. Betrayed by his friend, he let out a yelp before looking at Usako in a way akin to the way you would if you came home with a 30 on a test and your mother is waving a wooden ruler in your face.

Now separated from the rest of the group, he gulped, waiting for God's plans for him.

"Why you…" She started stomping towards the poor, unarmed boy, who looked like he was going to wet his pants, as he was frozen in place, too scared to move while the others have all scampered away.

I yelled, a little louder this time, "USAKO! STOP-"

She turned abruptly to me with a look of shock on her face. "What…what did you just call me?"

"Uh…" Thank God that smart kid took this opportunity to run away as well, while she was distracted by the words I blurted out of my enormous mouth.

_But this could be a good thing right? Now you can finally tell her…_

"I…"

"Yes?" Her eyes grew wide with anticipation.

"I…"

"Mamoru…" She breathed, her eyes glittering. A breeze of wind was blowing her beautiful golden strands…she…she looked like an angel.

"I…" trying to control my shaky voice, I blurted out before realizing… "I think that kid ran away." And sighed.

_BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA!_

_Can you say…'loser'?_

"Oh…" She turned back briefly and checked the spot he had stood, then turned towards me again. For some reason, she didn't seem to care about the kid anymore. Instead, she eyed me in a way I couldn't really understand. "Um…Are you sure your head is okay?" pursing her lips, she leaned her head to her left a bit, and held up her hand. "How many fingers?"

"Uh…you're not holding up any fingers"

She opened her mouth to say something, then closed it before turning her head to her fist, which was still in the air. "Wow. What a smart guy!" she chirped while patting…no, slapping my back.

"Ano…" before I could come up with a response, she was already walking steps ahead of me. "Come on! I'm going to be late for dinner!" it took me a moment to remember that I was suppose to walk her…so I quickly jogged to her side.

For the rest of the walk, there was silence. By the time we got to the front entrance of the park, the sun had started to set. Usako pointed north and told me: "My home's that way. Well, thanks for walking me!"

I wanted to walk her home, but restrained myself from asking to do so. Quietly, I nodded as I gazed upon her eyes…perhaps I was imagining it, but in her eyes was a hint of sadness at that moment. Looking away, I told myself that it was probably my imagination. "You're welcome Usako. It was my pleasure." I said. She gave a silent gasp, as her eyes were filled with confusion upon hearing that nickname for the second time that day. She opened her mouth to say something, then closed it as I smiled at her.

_Aren't you going to ask why?_

_Go ahead, ask. And maybe I'll finally tell you._

She smiled back brightly even though I still saw the hint of wretchedness, making up her mind about not saying whatever it was that she wanted to say. With her head turned back facing me, she waved and started walking in the direction of her home. "Ja ne!"

I waved back. So this was going to be how I'd lost her forever. As she walked farther and farther away, I felt her slipping away…from my life forever. I closed my eyes shut. No….not like this. I felt an urge to run up to her and hold her close to me and never let go. But I remained in that spot…and suddenly, I felt it. All the mixed emotions rushing through me. Confusion, love, disappointment, frustration, anger, hope…I gasped as I tried to fight back the tears threatening to come out, looking at the angle with her back turned to me walking away…slipping away from my grasp…

_Remember the promise…?_

No. Not like this. Please…Usako, please come back.

As if she heard my thoughts, she turned to look at me again, the smile on her face no longer to be seen. My vision was now blurred by the tears that forced themselves out. I was crying tears sorrow, for myself, for that my feelings might never be returned…and for my own fault of not being able to tell her, despite how hard I had tried. I was crying tears of sorrow, but inside…my heart was crying tears of blood. Swallowing hard, I tried to stop the tears. I tried to swallow my emotions back inside…but too late, they were already pouring out with my tears, unable to be stopped, unable to be controlled. She stood there, so still…her eyes pleading, as she mouthed: "You baka…." Then smiled…

Wiping my tears away, I smiled as well. So there was hope after all…

I did not run up to her and hold her and kiss her like I have always imagined what I would do. No…instead…

_Why would **I** know anything about love, you ask? Because…_

My smile grew bigger, to a grin as my angel looked at me with a curious expression on her face…

_Because, Usako…_

"I LOVE YOU USAGI TSUKINO!" I yelled on the top of my lungs and turned back and ran. I have never felt freer in my life. The feeling of the wind against my face…the rush I felt… Suddenly, I was so full energy…I was free…I never got to see the reaction on her face upon hearing that, and I didn't know how long she had stood there awestricken until she turned around and walked home…

Because I ran and never looked back.

**THE END**

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**So what do you think? Hate it? Love it? Lots of grammar errors? Yeah I know…and, sorry if the last part of kind of confusing and it made no sense, inmy mind it was so romantic. But…I guess I didn't really do a good job at describing the scene. (yes yes I have a lot to learn) anyways, please review. I would love to hear what you guys think. And, if you guys don't…I'll be very, very sad…(puppy face). I don't mind flames! I take them as…um…motivating criticism.**

**Until then, the one, the only…**

**Gugugaga.**

**DONNOT FORGET TO REVIEW!**


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